SAMPLE CHAPTER: Sam the Saboteur

Artwork by Marty Olson.

 
Alias: The Backstabber, Passive-Aggressive.
Record: Poor. Wins rounds by making you look bad but rarely wins the match.
Division: Lower- to Middle-Weight class.
Reach: Short.
Height: Lower levels of an organization.
Manager: Deeply rooted ambivalence about himself and others creates this fighter, who excels at making others look bad.

Fighter Profile

Sam is the kind of slugger who loves to make you look bad. You throw a boundary-setting jab that glances off him, and he makes it look like you decked him for no reason. You hit him in the body, and he acts like you hit him below the belt. He plays everyone—the crowds as well as you—for sympathy.
His trash talk is all about being misunderstood, unappreciated, and victimized. If you give him a raise, it’s not enough. If you give him a reward, it’s too late. Ask him to pitch in and help out, and he says you’re dumping on him. If Sam hangs around long enough, though, the crowd will see him for what he is and award you the victory. He is the most pessimistic, ill-tempered, spiteful, and malicious opponent you’ll meet in the ring.
Sam is “Mr. Doom and Gloom,” even when things are going well. He is envious and resentful when others are more fortunate. He acts like he got his lights punched out in his last fight—even though you remember it as just a reminder to get his paperwork in on time. When Sam tries to lighten up, his humor is laced with sarcasm and hurtful jibes.
Sam’s bad temper shows in fits of fussiness, arguments, and protests against what he sees as unreasonable demands, which everyone else sees as his everyday responsibilities. If he doesn’t want to do something, he will sulk and argue. If he does finally do the work, he’ll grumble all the way. He’s a guy who becomes enraged over trivial issues and ignores larger problems all together.
Sam often sees red around authority figures. If you’re in a position of power, expect to constantly be in the ring with him. Even if you’re just a co-worker who happens to get along with your managers, you can expect to be the target of Sam’s envy and resentment.
When Sam really doesn’t want to do something, he steps it up a notch. The work he just couldn’t get to is exactly what others need to complete their work. Or he does the work but in a way that makes it useless. He’s deliberately rude. He procrastinates when time is essential, he “forgets” he volunteered to help out, and he works so slowly and inefficiently that you are tempted to do the work yourself. He’ll cause conflict between the staff (always covering any trace of his own involvement) and then sit back and watch the fireworks.
Sam is known for his ability to duck a blow and counter with a punishing punch. His passive strategy looks like this:
  • Procrastinates about completing essential tasks—especially if someone is depending on him
  • Always finds a way to get around doing what others ask him to do. If he does the work, he works slowly or does a poor job.
  • Has a tendency to “forget” obligations he doesn’t agree with. He also fails to keep his promises.
  • Is habitually late (or early—whatever is the most exasperating for others)
  • Is absent (sick, vacation) at exactly the worst time
  • Whines about his problems but never seeks a solution for them
His aggressive side looks like this:
  • Agrees with you and then tells others you’re wrong. He may also side with others against you.
  • Steals, on occasion
  • Only agrees with you if it’s you who are wrong; you don’t appreciate him, etc.
  • Blames other people for his failures
  • Hoards information and refuses to share in order to undermine other people’s work
  • Sets up his own standards of “normal appropriate behavior”
  • Assumes others know he is angry but never discusses it. Once he gets upset enough, he puts grievances in writing without discussing it or notifying the person the grievance is against.
Sam’s ring presence usually alienates everyone who works with him. Sam can sense the mood shift of the crowd, but he never quite gets that he brought it on himself. He just chalks it up to never getting a break or poor management and hunkers down for the next fight.

Defense

Sam’s defense is to play the martyr or victim. As the victim, he seeks support from bystanders—and sometimes even his opponent. His strategy is to not do work he disagrees with in some way, to protect himself with what sound like reasonable excuses, and to get under the skin of his opponent until the opponent blows up. When his opponent blows up, it appears that he’s lost his temper and is taking it out on poor Sam, who really couldn’t help it that his car stalled on the highway coming into work and so, of course, he couldn’t finish the reports that were needed this morning.
Here are some ways Sam gets you to chase him around the ring:
  • Hears what he wants to hear, which is not what you said. If you don’t have it down in writing, you’ll be in a shouting match over who’s right.
  • Moves so slowly (or quickly) that it exasperates you into telling him to move faster (or slower). But he counters that working differently hurts quality … and again you’re in a shouting match, unless you have hard facts about work time and quality.
  • Accidentally loses or destroys work. You can’t blame him for power outages that wipe out his computer files, people who steal materials from his truck, or the post office for losing the package in the mail. It’s hard to believe that so many bad things happen to Sam.
  • Behaves inappropriately but has some justification (he misheard you or thought you were joking), so his behavior comes across as justified and yours as overreaction
  • Complains constantly, to the point you want to gag him—which you can’t
  • Can’t seem to do anything without forgetting something, so you have to closely review his work, remind him constantly how to do his job, and nag him about deadlines
When necessary, Sam will apologize and promise to do better or try harder. Don’t expect him to follow through, of course—it’s only what he says to get off the ropes. If his promise-breaking gets to you and you shift into a rage, then he wins two ways: he gets off the ropes and makes you look like a bully.
If something’s gone wrong and you’re trying to figure out what happened, expect to see some fancy footwork from Sam. Blame rarely lands on him. He’ll step aside and let it land on someone less able to defend himself, directly dish it off to someone else using accusations and blame-shifting, or curry favor with the authority figures he despises until the crisis is past.

Offense

Sam’s basic offense is to get you to lose your cool and attack him so he can then play the victim. He has finely honed his skills in this area. His innate ability to figure out your buttons enables him to then push them as he desires. And of course any deadline or agreement you established with him is a ripe candidate for sabotage. He uses passive sabotage skills (being late, working slowly, forgetfulness, evasion, and going behind your back to bitterly complain about you) when he is mildly frustrated. He breaks out his more aggressive skills (temper tantrums, hostile statements, rule-breaking) when the stakes are higher. No matter what he is hitting with, he always tries to cover his actions with victim-like reasoning.
  • Something someone else did first pushed him to his action.
  • Someone’s reaction now indicates that he or she harbored certain feelings then, when Sam did something—so he was justified.
  • Someone else has poor work values, or questionable ethics, or personality problems that are negatively impacting him.
Don’t mistake his grumbling and complaints as offense—they are actually a way he lets off steam. When he is intimidating others and making them feel guilty, unsure, or uncomfortable, consider those behaviors as jabs that he uses for small-time revenge and to just generally feel better about himself.
In Sam’s view of things, thwarting expectations of others is a victory—even if he loses his job over it.

Why Are You Fighting?

With Sam, every day seems like fight time. If you get into a full-blown fight, however, it’s probably because:
  • He’s frustrated.
  • He thinks you’re interfering with his freedom (example: you won’t let him do things his way, or you’re making him follow rules).
  • You’ve demanded he follow company standards or meet expectations.
  • He’s at a point where he feels he has to comply with your demands. He sees compliance as submission and submission as humiliation.

In the Ring

When you’re in the ring with Sam, make sure your boxing gloves are laced on tight—and don’t forget your mouthpiece and cup—because you are in for an ugly fight. If you keep your cool and use strategy as well as power, you have a very good chance to win the match. If you let Sam get to you, you will take much more damage, but you can still win. To your advantage, a fight with Sam has a dependable flow:
  • Sam gets frustrated. He gets your attention through inappropriate action.
  • You react to the inappropriate action.
  • Sam becomes defensive. First he was frustrated, but now he is angry. He starts to lash out at people and claim he’s the victim of your tyranny.
  • You take control of the situation, setting boundaries and limits to get Sam to stop lashing out and do his work.
  • Sam, forced into the corner by your boundaries and aggressiveness, knows he is a victim. He starts telling everyone how he is suffering at your hands.
  • You apologize to him to settle things down.
  • Sam has confirmation (the apology) that you were mistreating him.
The trick is to stop the normal flow of events.
  • To keep Sam’s frustration level down, give him brief, friendly attention regularly. Give him as much freedom as possible while still keeping watch over his work. Reward him when possible.
  • When Sam behaves inappropriately, avoid becoming angry, controlling, or judgmental. Keep interactions professional, with a tone of cooperation.
  • Learn to read Sam, so when he starts to lash out you will see the blow coming, be able to deflect it, and deflate his anger.
  • To take control of the situation, set boundaries. Let him know what is acceptable behavior and what isn’t (company policy), what you/he will do and what you/he won’t do (job descriptions), and what deadlines must be met. When he does act appropriately (especially in voicing his anger), try to reinforce those actions.
  • If Sam starts sabotaging or telling everyone how he is suffering, take him aside (disciplining him in front of everyone reinforces his bad behavior) and set down the boundaries again. If he is really frustrated, you might help him determine the steps needed to complete the task that’s bothering him. Keep it professional and unemotional.
  • Don’t apologize to Sam just to settle things down. If you do end up feeling powerless and angry at Sam, change your methods and try again. Every fighter is unique—you have to craft your strategy to fit them.
In and out of the ring with Sam, keep in mind who he is and accept that. Even if he shows signs of becoming a better employee, keep your dukes up—don’t expect him to change, and don’t depend on him. A victory against Sam often means minimizing the effect of his negative attitude and getting a half-decent day’s work out of him.

Ring Tips

  • Set and maintain boundaries. One way to do this is to point out inconsistencies between what he says and what he does. Be careful to maintain your boundaries even if Sam appears to behave better—he is prone to backsliding into old habits.
  • Don’t assume something is done (or done right) just because Sam tells you it is. Make it a habit to verify instructions with him, review progress toward completion, and check work for quality. Also, check with others to make sure Sam isn’t concealing or withholding anything from you. Don’t blindly depend on him.
  • Put as much as possible in writing. It’s best if you have a copy signed or initialed by Sam. Make sure you keep your documentation in a safe place.
  • Don’t get emotional. Present the facts and discuss how the situation can be improved. If he gets to you (you feel guilty, angry, etc.), remember that is what he is trying to achieve with his often unrealistic accusations. Don’t drag up old arguments or issues; it plays to his strengths.
  • Try to make sure Sam is well informed about what projects, deadlines, and changes are going on in the office.
  • If your defenses are weak, you might consider flattering Sam (tell him you see and appreciate the sacrifices he makes for the company). While this doesn’t resolve any issues, it does get him to stop whining for a while. You might ask Sam for ideas for improving things. You’ll have to ward off some of his snide remarks, but it will help you establish a rapport with him and help him voice ideas appropriately.
  • Because Sam uses passive resistance, whenever he directly disagrees or challenges someone, you should give him positive feedback.

Matchups

It is rare for Sam to rise to a management position. However, if he is your boss, you are probably frustrated beyond words. He procrastinates about completing work (your requests for raises and vacation time in particular). Then when assignments are late, he dumps his work on you and calls it delegation. Unless it looks like he is about to be fired or quit, you should consider finding another job. In the meantime, don’t let him affect your career: make sure other people know that you are getting your part of the work done. If Sam complains that you are trying to make him look bad, reply that you are only trying to make yourself look good. Avoid voicing your anger and complaints to Sam, as it tends to make him more defensive. Stay clear of getting emotional. Do be persistent about raises, etc., but in a non-confrontational manner. If you aren’t persistent, he will ignore the issue.
If Sam is your co-worker, you have probably heard more complaints than a referee does in his entire career. Avoid agreeing—even by nodding that you hear him—or risk having him use you as an example of “other employees who agree with me” when he takes his complaints to the boss. You might sympathize with Sam’s complaints initially, but in time you’ll see he is a mediocre employee at best. If you hang out with him, you may be branded the same. If you can’t get him out of your office, politely ask him to leave, saying you have to get some work done. Above all, don’t do work for him, and don’t make excuses for him.
If you supervise Sam, you can either learn to live with his ways, force him to be at least a marginal employee, or fire him. If you let him be as is, his negativity will eventually affect others. Forcing him to meet basic expectations will take some work from you and after a while should show results but will require continuing effort. Firing him will take time (you need a documentation trail and a good case against him) and make your life more miserable in the short run but will be less work in the long run. To avoid hiring someone just like him, check all references and ask former employers if they would hire him again (an honest person will tell you no). Use any initial employee probationary period to assess whether you have a Sam, and to let him go if you do. When giving feedback to Sam on his work, expect him to get defensive and give you a long list of why things didn’t turn out better. If he is apologetic and says he will do better, follow up with him to ensure he didn’t just throw that comment at you to get you to back off. If he does get to you, don’t let him see it. Remember that he dislikes anyone who has power or control over him and is positive that he is right in his view that you treat him poorly.

Fight Commentaries

Old School versus New School

Ben was an old-school artist who worked for a state agency for twenty-odd years. He had a flex schedule, so he arrived at work an hour before the rest of the staff. He came in, put away his coat, put on the coffee, waited for it to brew, poured a fresh cup, and then called up one of several friends to talk about the weather coming into work, office politics, or something he had seen on TV. After about forty-five minutes he settled down to work. He greeted everyone—including friends—with a growl. People accepted that Ben was an artist and as such was “temperamental.” Even the department director was careful around him.
Lucy was a newly hired graphic designer. It took about one hour for the rumor mill to let her know about Ben—and that he was not at all happy that a graphic designer had been hired. Ben believed that electronic art was junk; he didn’t know how to use a computer, and he was worried Lucy was going to replace him.
Lucy was good with the computer, but she was no artist. So she had to go to Ben for artwork for the department newsletter. Ben provided her with pieces grudgingly—and usually late. Once, Lucy asked him to draw something specific for an article: a man with an umbrella that shielded him from a downpour of paper. Ben drew a man with an umbrella and a downpour of paper—but instead of the umbrella acting as an aide, it trapped him. Although the artwork met the criteria, it could not be used. By the time Ben retired, he and Lucy were compatible. What happened?
Lucy realized Ben was not leaving his position any time soon and that she would have to find a way to work with him—and get him to work with her. To that end, she complimented his skills and work, let him know that her artistic skills were limited, didn’t rat him out to his supervisor for his poor work habits, stayed neutral when others argued about Ben’s temperamental side, and occasionally asked him for advice. This strategy gave Ben positive feedback for things he did well and didn’t force him into a defensive posture. He never changed his personality, but he did gradually begin to work with Lucy once he realized she wasn’t a threat.

Telephone Tag

Rita was hired by a company to help update their call center software. Her team’s efforts included documenting the phone menu and adding software so a specific screen, depending on what phone menu options the caller had chosen, would pop up on the call center advocate’s computer when they got the call. Tim was company’s phone system expert. Management knew him to be a difficult and overbooked employee, so even though he should have been on the team, they didn’t assign him to the team. Because of his expertise, the team needed to work with him daily. He proved to be a difficult resource for the team. He lost documents, he missed meetings, he had chronic health problems that seemed to flare up at the worst time, he always managed to implement requested changes incorrectly, and he complained that all the problems that came up were the team’s fault. Within six months, the project was successfully implemented on time. What happened?
Rita realized that Tim’s cooperation was essential to the success of the project. Although he wasn’t allowed to be on the team, Rita treated Tim as though he was. He was invited to team outings, he was kept apprised of team tasks and progress, his input was requested on all telephone aspects of the project, and they included him in celebrations. Rita also got his desk, pager, mobile, and home phone numbers. She learned where he liked to hide during the day. She instructed her staff to treat Tim with respect and kid gloves—no matter how upset they were or how wrong they felt Tim was. If anyone had a skirmish with Tim, they were to tell Rita immediately, and she then smoothed things over. She kept copies of all essential documents and any communication between the team and Tim. Tim liked being included in the project. Although he didn’t always like being tracked down, he felt important and appreciated. It didn’t always work perfectly, but it worked well enough.

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